Happiness
Happiness has been made into myth.
We seek it, we yearn for it.
We dream of soft, gold-colored days, foggy with impossibility, and tinted with shimmering desire. Always in the future, future-bound.
We say if I had this, I would be happy. We say, happiness is thus and thus, and since thus and thus are missing, happiness cannot be here. Dreaming is good, dreaming gives us hope when it is dark, gives us the ability to move forward.
But if we are asleep: if we dream too hard at all times, we fill our eyes full of glittering gold so bright we cannot see the gold that shines around us.
With our virtual reality headset we see a great golden chalice, brim-full of Mead. We reach for it, but our hand passes through, unable to grasp this beautiful vision, which is not vain in and of itself, but focusing on it at all times prevents us from seeing the shining cup of joy that sits beside it in the real world erased by the vision of the alternate, virtual reality.
Dream. But be content.
Contentment is the secret to happiness, and it is available at any time. Not just tomorrow.
Remember to drink deep the cider of autumn while its beauties surround you, though you might yearn for the sweetness of spring. Remember to bask in the sun-glow of friends while they surround you.
Remember.
Happiness is now.
Happiness is always there, just like sadness. All you have to do is look.
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Saturday, October 20, 2018
Fear
Here is another piece of personal 'poetry.' It's about my lifelong struggle. As a kid I was outgoing...fearless maybe...weird. All I am now is weird. As a teenager, I longed to belong. I wanted so much to be outgoing, to have lots of friends. I still want that, but to a degree I've given up the fight. I know where I am and maybe even how to get out, but I'm scared to. And that's what this piece is about. I don't normally get personal on this blog, but here it is. No one will read it anyway ;)
FEAR
I fear being despised above all else.
I will not risk it.
To the point of rejecting others will I avoid the risk of being despised.
To the point of self-destruction.
To the point of no return.
I will hide my true self in a cloak of stolid invisibility. I will cover myself with a camouflage. I will build a wall around myself that cannot be breached. I want to let you in. But I won't.
You might attempt to scale this wall, or find a window to peek through.
I would throw you a rope, I would defenstrate myself.
But I will not.
You are rejected. But not because I do not love you. Not because I do not appreciate your attempt at entering my fortress.
I love you for your bravery. I love you for caring enough to try, even in the littlest way. Even if you only throw stones at my bastions. Even if you only call up to my ramparts with an inquiry: who liveth within?
I wish I could raze this castle to the ground and meet you on the rubble to embrace you. But I do not know how.
I despise this, but will not be despised.
I am too weak.
FEAR
I fear being despised above all else.
I will not risk it.
To the point of rejecting others will I avoid the risk of being despised.
To the point of self-destruction.
To the point of no return.
I will hide my true self in a cloak of stolid invisibility. I will cover myself with a camouflage. I will build a wall around myself that cannot be breached. I want to let you in. But I won't.
You might attempt to scale this wall, or find a window to peek through.
I would throw you a rope, I would defenstrate myself.
But I will not.
You are rejected. But not because I do not love you. Not because I do not appreciate your attempt at entering my fortress.
I love you for your bravery. I love you for caring enough to try, even in the littlest way. Even if you only throw stones at my bastions. Even if you only call up to my ramparts with an inquiry: who liveth within?
I wish I could raze this castle to the ground and meet you on the rubble to embrace you. But I do not know how.
I despise this, but will not be despised.
I am too weak.
Monday, October 15, 2018
My Status Quo Keeps Me Sane
This is a little piece I wrote one day...week before last...when I was was going through an emotional thing. I don't normally write this sort of thing, and I normally don't share them, but I thought I could throw it up for the last day of October Frights...since it has a Lovecraft reference and is sort of a look at the real-life horrors in our lives/minds.
So, without further ado:
My status quo keeps me sane.
When my matrix rips and I see through the veil of my unreality, I am faced with cosmic horrors the like of which Lovecraft glimpsed.
I resent these rips. They make me furious and I want utter annihilation. When they are pulled closed again and stitched with blissful obliteration, a haunting fear follows me. I know the matrix will rip again someday. I will glimpse that cold place, the abode of Azathoth. I will know that there are many layers to the world and I am but sandwiched snugly in my fragile blanket between worlds.
Time passes and forgetfulness takes over. Familiar objects and places comfort me. I wrap myself in seemingly solid things. I cling to my reality. My status quo keeps me sane and I weave a comfort from the things I associate with my fragile fantasy. I make a web of ordinary. I weave a tapestry of mundane. I am an artist of deception.
Change is not welcome. Change threatens this web. Threatens to take my protection away, leaving me with but that thin veil between me and the void. Change is the antithesis of the status quo. And the status quo keeps me sane.
I will resist change, but it is inevitable. Change will come and rip my web down casually. It will take my cocoon away and force me to metamorphose.
I will be naked in the void, exposed to the freakishness of all the multicolored threads of reality. I will be ejected from the matrix. I will be extracted with bloody tongs and thrown at the foot of Azathoth's throne.
I will rage against him and denounce his tyranny.
I will be sick with shifting, with transformation, with growth, with death, with transmutation.
But change will become normal, too. Every change, once rooted, becomes a new curtain. A new veil. A new layer between worlds.
Change must inevitably become status quo. And the status quo keeps me sane.
I will weave a new web from from familiarities. I will make a new cocoon and begin the cycle again.
And here's the rest of the hop:
So, without further ado:
My status quo keeps me sane.
When my matrix rips and I see through the veil of my unreality, I am faced with cosmic horrors the like of which Lovecraft glimpsed.
I resent these rips. They make me furious and I want utter annihilation. When they are pulled closed again and stitched with blissful obliteration, a haunting fear follows me. I know the matrix will rip again someday. I will glimpse that cold place, the abode of Azathoth. I will know that there are many layers to the world and I am but sandwiched snugly in my fragile blanket between worlds.
Time passes and forgetfulness takes over. Familiar objects and places comfort me. I wrap myself in seemingly solid things. I cling to my reality. My status quo keeps me sane and I weave a comfort from the things I associate with my fragile fantasy. I make a web of ordinary. I weave a tapestry of mundane. I am an artist of deception.
Change is not welcome. Change threatens this web. Threatens to take my protection away, leaving me with but that thin veil between me and the void. Change is the antithesis of the status quo. And the status quo keeps me sane.
I will resist change, but it is inevitable. Change will come and rip my web down casually. It will take my cocoon away and force me to metamorphose.
I will be naked in the void, exposed to the freakishness of all the multicolored threads of reality. I will be ejected from the matrix. I will be extracted with bloody tongs and thrown at the foot of Azathoth's throne.
I will rage against him and denounce his tyranny.
I will be sick with shifting, with transformation, with growth, with death, with transmutation.
But change will become normal, too. Every change, once rooted, becomes a new curtain. A new veil. A new layer between worlds.
Change must inevitably become status quo. And the status quo keeps me sane.
I will weave a new web from from familiarities. I will make a new cocoon and begin the cycle again.
And here's the rest of the hop:
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Pal'agithon of the Peat
For October Frights, here is a story I started last year, hoping to share it for Halloween. It got shelved, unfinished, and I only just finished it last week. It hasn't really been edited... So here it is, the tale of dissatisfaction and supernatural horror.
Pal’agithon of the Peat
I should have been terrified. I should have run.
But how could I run back into a tomb that was squeezing the life out of me?
Every day trickled by, grey and wasted. I hated my job and I felt trapped in
it, trapped in the stability of it, and trapped in the colorless town where I
didn’t really live, just pretended to.
Sure, I could spice things up with meaningless
weekend bursts of color. But they were empty shows of sparkle and shine. I had
no purpose and those brief fireworks were dim compared to the great grey wall
of my life.
I guess that’s why I didn’t run from the whisper.
I didn’t run because it was a ripple in the earth, a soft disturbance in the
foundation of reality that threatened to crack the wall of my life.
I first heard the whisper during one of those
brief fireworks displays meant to make my life bearable. I was with some
friends, out by a little lake near town. It was late, with nascent stars
budding in the murky sky and mosquitoes and alcohol were flowing freely.
I was feeling a little tipsy and decided to leave
the vodka-sparkling group on the faded towels and walk off into the nearby
heather. I knew if I stayed, I’d end up sleeping with Jerry. The fact I feared
this showed I hadn’t quite given up hope: Jerry was king of squatters in this
town of squatters and ending up with him would be like chaining myself to this
place. Not that he was in any way undesirable.
Slurred calls of “Where you goin,’ Siobhan?”
followed me but I ignored them, slipping into the night like an escaping
princess.
I stumbled onto a trail I didn’t know was there
and followed it through the sparse trees. I gazed at the stars, willing them to
suck me up into their twinkling clime, or to fall and burn away my mundane hell
in apocalyptic transformation. They did nothing but cheerily wave at me from
heaven.
The trees thinned out and the ground rose
slightly. An acrid scent tingled my nostrils. As I swerved onward through the
heather and starlight, a chilly dampness wrapped its viscous arms about me and lapped
at my ears.
My flip-flop came off and my bare foot squelched
into pungent mud. Acid danced in the odorous air and my fingers found prickly,
wet moss as I searched for my flip-flop. I took another step into the chuckling
darkness and my foot splashed into a dank puddle. I stopped. Something
flickered in the back of my blissfully buzzed brain.
I looked up at the gentle hump of murk outlined
against the starry heavens. It seemed to breathe, exhaling bygone centuries and
inhaling the present, tugging at my single-buttoned plaid shirt.
Bog. There was a peat bog close to the lake. I
remembered hearing about it. One of the last peat bogs that hadn’t been cut up
and drained. I looked at it and it looked right back at me, daring me. Daring
me to what, I didn’t know. Not yet.
But it was quiet and I rested in the apparent
peacefulness, unable to put my finger on the unholy pulse that underlay the
mystic night. I breathed in the bitter air, the confounded rot, the frozen
death that did not decay.
They had taken perfectly preserved mummies out of
bogs like this, I recalled. Sacrifices by ordinary people looking for
extraordinary lives. Believing in something beyond them that made the mundane
bearable. The grass rustled softly in a tentative breeze and the stars glinted
like a thousand eyes, watching me.
I could have stayed there forever, listening to
the bog breathe, exhaling the fumy fug of the past.
“Siobhan!”
The perfect mystery shattered. Someone was looking
for me. I didn’t want to leave. I was rooted to the spot, roots twining down
from my toes and sucking up the acid of the bog.
You do not
have to go back
It was just a whisper, and not in English, or any
other language I thought I might have recognized. It was an ancient rasp,
secret, soft, grating, but utterly private. Somehow, I felt what the words
meant in my core. And I understood where they came from. I stared into the bog,
heart pounding. The bog. Yet I somehow wasn’t surprised. I knew I should be. I
knew I should be terrified. Knew I should run screaming back to Jerry and let
him comfort me with vodka-flavored kisses. But I stayed there and listened.
There is no
need to surrender to your life
I’m drunk, I thought.
You can be
free
I trembled. Maybe it was cold. Maybe I was terrified. Or maybe I was thrilled.
I’m afraid I was thrilled. Here, at last, was
something, if not color, it was a different, indescribable shade in my life of grey constricting stone. It wasn’t the hole in
my Great Wall. The bright explosion I had hoped for. It was a frightening,
undermining tunnel beneath, with a scary hint that maybe the wall was there for
a reason.
But there it was. And I stood still and waited.
Waited to see if this was real. Shivers ran up and down my arms and legs.
“Siobhan!”
Reluctantly, I turned, looking back at the shadowy
bushes and the night-clad trees. I heard crashing foliage. Someone was coming.
Suddenly, I was loathe to be found here, in this strange, magic place. This
dark place.
Unwillingly, I turned and stumbled back towards
the trees and the sweaty arms of Jerry with his drunk breath.
I was hungover the next morning. Not bad. But it
made my Monday that much more hellish. There I was at my desk with my
retirement plan and my headache, wishing to be anywhere else. I kept thinking
about the bog and wondering, was it the vodka? But I’d never felt such a
strange sensation from alcohol. That subtle shift in the fabric of reality,
that whisper.
Oh, that whisper. What had that been, then, if
vodka did not speak? How could a bog? Maybe I was just going crazy. But I
couldn’t get the sound out of my head. Or the smell out of my nostrils. I drank
another cup of coffee and tried to focus on the meaningless tasks I was being
paid to do.
It was like prison. “I want to be free,” I
muttered, echoing the unknown words in my head.
I looked up the bog. There wasn’t much information
on it. There was a trail to it from the lake. It was protected. It was a peat
bog and a small one at that.
I resisted the urge to go back to it immediately
after work. I was terrified that if I went there, I would feel nothing. That
the grey, impenetrable mundanity of my life would be irrevocably proven after
that unfair glimpse of dark depths beyond.
My phone chimed, a fake sparkling noise, an empty
promise of unicorns and magic. It was a text from Jerry.
“You feelin ok, babe?”
I scowled. How sweet of him. And observant. He’d
been pretty drunk last night to notice how I’d been thrown off-kilter by the
whispering bog. I don’t want another reason to like him. Another reason to trap
myself with him in this pre-technicolor town. But if I don’t reply, he’ll keep
texting me in concern.
“Ya,” I texted, “made it to work on time minimal
headache.” Foolishly, I didn’t stop there. “How bout you?” I kicked myself.
“U seemed off glad ur feeling better,” Jerry
replied. “I’m fine thanks. Have a good day.”
I sighed, my phone chimed again and I hold my
breath.
“You wanna do something tonight?” panic grippped
my stuttering heart. No, I can’t say
yes! But what do I say? Can’t, I’m busy. Busy doing what? Researching bogs.
Many of them were depleted in the 1800s, the peat
cut and dried to burn for fuel. Not many animals lived in the water scape,
besides birds and myriad insects…
And the sacrifices. I skimmed over all that—the
supposed history. They couldn’t say for certain. Had it really been such a
wide-spread practice?
What would that be like? To be heaved into the
bottomless mud by your friends and family? Alive, kicking and screaming. Or
would you calmly accept your horrible fate, knowing that your village would have
a good crop that year? I shivered, imagining cold mud oozing up my arms to my
neck… and I still hadn’t replied to Jerry. Could I ignore him?
If I could keep from going to the bog tonight…even
as my fingers hovered over my screen, my phone chimed.
“How about the Stone Circle?”
“Yes,” I replied, not sure if it’s the Druidic
connotations of the club’s name that seals the deal or the fear of the pull of
the bog drawing me back.
But I found myself at the Stone Circle at eight-thirty in a white dress, Jerry’s arm around my shoulder. In the back of my mind
I realized this was a date. The panic was dull at first, but mounted as the
club’s door opened. Throbbing electro beats folded around me as I entered, like
the drums of an ancient ritual.
Jerry grinned at me, oblivious and happy. His eyes
sparkled as he took me in, under the pulsing lights of this thrumming festival.
The smells wrapped me in their arms: cigarette
smoke and sweat. The laughing fruity drinks with their alcoholic undertones,
sparkling in the flashing lights of a cheap strobe. It was chaos and somehow
oppressive. Like I was in a box, being shaken violently. It’s a box full of
glitter and sour odors.
I longed for quiet, for open spaces, for the smell
of grass…and peat.
Jerry sat me at the bar and ordered us drinks.
“You look grim,” Jerry said. I tried to smile.
Just to keep him out. “You’ll feel better in a bit,” he promised, handing me a
fluted glass full of twinkling intoxication. I knocked it back and ask for
another. I need it, to keep off the gloom of this squalid party palace and its
desperate attempts to laugh at the grey life it can barely mask.
This world is living death.
But the sparkle was brighter now, after the third
drink. After the fourth, I let Jerry lead me onto the blaring dance floor. Then
we’re moving our limbs. Jerry was close and his body brushed mine in these
crude movements that were skewed by the very substance that gave them life. Our
alcohol fueled dance should've exhausted me, but instead I was dazzled. The lights
shone stupidly bright and the music throbbed a ritualistic groove. The kind of
drumbeat to drown out the screams of the child sacrifice. And I had another
drink in my hand and I was laughing. I couldn’t be sad. I couldn’t be glum. I
was so full of life, but the life wasn’t mine. It wasn’t real.
But Jerry was holding me close and I was stroking
his arm and we were swaying on the dancefloor again, not gracefully, like in a
story, but drunkenly, like in a club. But it was real and was now and I wouldn’t
remember it in the morning. I kissed Jerry.
The beat kept thrashing through the floor and up
my legs.
Then a whisper softly wound through the chaos and
fake-life.
I can set
you free.
And I knew, if I let Jerry take me home
tonight…I’d never be free. I needed fresh air. But I couldn’t seem to walk. I
couldn’t get out of this club.
I stumbled into several people and one of them
laughed, but the other snapped at me and I burst into irrational tears. Jerry
guided me out of the club. I don’t know how much he’d had to drink, but I passed
out in the car anyway. I want to be free.
I can set
you free. Come to me.
When I woke up, I was relieved to find myself in
my own bed. My head hurt, and I’m still wearing my smelly, smoke-scented
clothes. But this was my own bed, and Jerry wasn’t in it. I did remember last night…vaguely. I
remembered the kiss. And I remembered liking it. I like Jerry. But I just
couldn’t….couldn’t do this. Not when the walls press in. I couldn’t tie myself
to this place…this fake-life.
I remembered the whisper.
Come to me.
After suffering through work with another
hangover—a worse one this time—I drove out to the bog.
I parked by the trail head and paused, glancing
through the shrubs at the placid lake, gleaming in the late afternoon sun.
My heart thunked like a ceremonial drum. I knew I
was going to be disappointed. This was foolish. I couldn't really believe I was
going to hear voices in the marsh, did I? I'd only heard it when I was drunk.
It wasn't real.
But I headed down the trail anyway, water bottle
in hand.
I was trying to convince myself that it wasn't
real...but part of me kept wanting it to be real. Wanting to hear that...voice.
The trail wound through some of the same thickets
I'd traversed on that first night. The trail began to lose focus, breaking up
into many little routes through the grass and soft earth, which gave way to
moss and mud.
I stopped and looked up.
The gentle mound of peat rose before me, mossy and
exciting.
I wanted to run up to the top and laugh like a
madwoman. The mound tugged at my thumping heart and my bones shook like
tambourines.
This was place of death and also of celebration.
The sun shone on the moss and marsh grass, lighting up their green membranes as
if from within. The water was too dank to shine.
The acrid smells of mud and decaying plants
rippled on the breeze with the hum of insect-song.
No whispers in my head though.
I made to step closer, but my feet were heavy,
they would barely move. I looked down and my heaet spluttered. My feet were
sunk into deep mud.
I yanked on them and with a sucking sound they
slurped out of the muck, bringing up fresh odors of ancient rot--of death and
also of new life. I slopped over to a drier clump of weeds and sat down,
unscrewing my water bottle lid.
Just being here, out in the sun, surrounded by the
trilling bird-life and peat-scented air, was refreshing. But my heart still
drummed, unsatisfied.
A gleam at the base of the bog's mound made me
drop my water bottle. It was as if a bell had chimed, timed to my drum-heart
and tambourine-bones.
I stood, and hopped from clump to clump, somehow
guessing where the solid patches were, moving in an almost ritualistic manner
to the song that pulsed beneath the earth.
I came to the edge of the mound and the gleam
danced in my eye, shimmering.
With eager hands I plucked it from the mud and
carried it back to my water bottle. A good rinse revealed it to be a solid
chunk of gold with weird markings on it.
Some ancient alphabet of jagged lines. But I knew
what it said.
'Return tonight, Siobhan.'
The strange music of the day was suddenly gone and
I was steeped in eerie silence. My heart still hammered and my limbs still
shook, but the song was gone and the birds were quiet.
I slipped the gold chunk into my now-empty water
bottle and hugged it to my chest as I made my way back along the trail.
My phone awaited me in my car, blinking with
messages from Jerry.
It was too late for Jerry. I had chosen. I would
not let myself be backed into something I didn’t want: into the concrete void
of this small town cesspool.
I ignored his messages and his calls. I drove home
and I waited for night to come.
But what was I choosing?
“What’s the matter?” Jerry asked when I answered
the door.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“You didn’t answer my calls,” he said.
So you show up at my door? You come to claim me
before I can escape? I tell myself he’s a creep…but is he? I had been afraid of
him, afraid of what might happen when we were drunk and how we would end up
together…he’d only ever been a gentleman. He’d taken me home when I was wasted.
As far as I knew, he’d never behaved inappropriately, even when buzzed…
But did I know?
And were we not in a relationship already?
Unofficially. Panic gripped me and his earnest gaze tempted me. Tempted me to
give in to life.
“Yeah, my phone died,” I lied.
“Oh,” he said with a sigh. “You, um, you good
then?”
He wants me to invite him inside.
“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, sorry. You want to come in
for a bit?”
“Yeah, sure,” he said.
I had to do something. He’d stay late…we might end
up…no. I had a date with the night. What to do with Jerry?
I’ll get him drunk. That’s always the common
denominator. Our relationship was built on alcohol. And it will end with it.
“You want a drink?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said.
He tried to follow me into the kitchen but I
waylaid him at the couch. “You look tired. You must have worked hard today?” I
pushed him gently onto the couch.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You wait right there, I’ll be back, what do you
want?”
“Surprise me.”
Will do.
We drank cocktails and chatted about work and
local gossip until the sun hung on the horizon, tinting the entire sky like
blood.
Jerry’s eyes were already drooping.
“Just a sec,” I said, rising and setting down my
cocktail—the only one I’ve had all evening. “I’ve gotta go get changed.”
“Changed for what?”
“You’ll see,” I said coquettishly and pranced off
to my room.
I showered first, and put on a red dress I’d never
worn before. And red shoes. I put a fake rose in my hair. When I slipped back
into the living room, Jerry was still. His eyelids were closed peacefully.
I left him there and dashed out to the car,
grabbing my water bottle with the gold message in it.
It was night!
It was night.
I sped to the lake and only remembered I’d
forgotten my flashlight when I faced the dark trail…black and whispery and rank
with marsh smells.
But a flicker caught my eye and I held my breath.
What was that? Clutching the water bottle, I stepped forward and the flicker
blossomed into a white light, sparkling in the night. I took another step and
the light seemed to move further away. Another step and the same thing. The
light stayed the same distance away…but…I took several more steps…it also
seemed to follow what I remembered of the trail.
My heart was beating, drum-like again, ceremonial.
This was my night, this was my guiding light. I followed it through the
thickets, slowly at first, but faster as we went along, until I was plunging
through gorse and heather, ripping my dress and losing one of my red shoes…just
like I’d lost my flip flop that first time. We weren’t exactly following the
trail.
My heart thrummed faster and ahead, I saw more
lights flickering, almost dancing to the beat in my soul. And then I heard real
music.
There were
drums in the swamp! And tambourines and flutes…I panted, racing faster through
the underbrush, chasing that magic light. I lost my water bottle. I lost my
other shoe.
And then I was there.
I was really there.
The bog loomed before me, black as night,
untouched by the ring of white torch flames that surrounded it. The torches
were carried by robed men with white beards who swayed to the music, which was
played by dancing, naked flautists. The drums thumped nearby but I couldn’t see
who played them. The tambourines were in the left hands of the torch-bearers.
They all turned to me and the music and motion
stopped.
No one spoke. I stared about at the strange
people. I couldn’t see any of their faces: all of them were cloaked by shadow.
Welcome,
Siobhan.
My eyes went to the bog. Black and putrid. But
perfect. Preservation. Peat.
Pal’agithon.
Pal’agithon
is my name. Pal’agithon of the Peat. Will you join me? I have been alone for so
long, the flesh of sacrifice has been absent. Give me succor and I will rescue
you from your life. Grey and tasteless.
I hung back. I’d already made up my mind. But
sudden fear tingled along my spine.
Come twine
with me in the muck.
And what awaited me there? Silty sentience. Magic.
I was out of time. My old life was dead. This was life. In the peat that
preserved.
The drums began to beat.
Boom…boom…boom. I stepped forward. The drums
increased their tempo.
Boom, ba, boom, ba, boom.
The tambourines shook and the flute chirped in
ecstasy.
Boom, ba, da, boom, ba, da, boom, ba, da, boom.
I stepped into the mud.
The torches swirled in the dark and the peat
remained black…blacker than night…blacker than fear.
Boom bada boom bada boom bada boom.
I waded out into a shallow pool and up on to a
tuft of moss before the mound of peat.
Boombadaboombadaboombadaboombadaboom.
Sacrifice.
Come to me.
I jumped.
A flute cried like a lost bird and I fell face
first into mud.
The peat folded itself around me and pulled me in,
sucking, drinking, pulling, engulfing, muting the drums and my heartbeat.
LIFE!
The police report on Siobhan Ryan’s disappearance
didn’t contain much. She had vanished, presumably near the old peat bog. Her
shoes were found in the bushes between the lake and the bog. And a water bottle
that inexplicably held a chunk of gold with old ogham hieroglyphs that we're translated as ‘Return tonight, Siobhan.’ The artifact was carbon dated to the second century
A.D.
Her boyfriend, Gerald Harker, was found in her
house, dead from drinking a poisoned cocktail. The lake was dredged, but no
body found. The bog will be investigated, but carefully, as it is still
protected as one of the last surviving peat bogs.
Check out more horror on the blog hop:
Labels:
bog,
celtic,
claustrophobia,
demons,
escapism,
fear,
gods,
horror,
monster,
sacrifice,
supernatural,
terror
Saturday, October 13, 2018
October Frights! The Phantom of the Opera, Part Four
Are you ready to delve back into Godfrey and Serafina's nightmare? If you've just joined us, you may want to read the previous posts, which have parts one-three of my Phantom of the Opera retelling.
Part Four: The Angel’s Voice in Hell
Scrambling down the steps on hands and knees, I felt
everywhere for the candle. I reached the bottom and felt about in the ancient
dirt for that lifesaving cylinder of wax.
I found instead, a precipice. I could sense the void yawning
before me, and I knew not how deep, nor how wide this chasm was.
I gave up on the candle and fumbled with my matches.
The light flared up and I immediately dropped the match.
There was someone with me!
I was smothered again in darkness. I barely dared to
breathe. There was no sound, just the rasp of my ill-concealed breathing. What
leering countenance had I seen?
Cautiously, I lit another match. A demonic statue bulged its eyes at me and
sneered with fangs and multiple tongues.
I sighed in relief and looked about. The stairs ended on a
ledge that ran along a massive chamber, whose bottom I could not see. The far
side was raw cave wall. The precipice was dotted by demons of stone, leering
and gesticulating obscenely. And there was another tunnel that ran on into
musty depths of hell.
I stood and staggered deeper into the nightmare, my heart
still cold with dread, blood on my lips. I knew something terrible was
happening to Serafina and my mouth was thick with the copper of my own blood,
from biting my tongue when I fell down the stairs. My premonition from my first
night following Serafina had become reality.
The tunnel went on and on. My match burnt out. And another,
and another, until I had one left.
And there was a sliver of icy light ahead.
In the dancing light of my last match, I made out a metal
door with a large combination lock…but instead of numbers, it had demonic
symbols…and I knew the opening rune.
The door creaked open and my match burnt out.
I was greeted by a heavy sour smell. Ancient metal. Acid.
Anise. Mold. A bright white light flared from a lamp hanging in the middle of
an octagonal white room with two other doors of corroded metal. One door stood
open, leading into a perfectly normal-looking sitting room, lit by candles.
The second was unlatched…open just a crack, emitting more
blinding light…and Serafina’s angelic voice. I froze in fear and delight.
She was going through a vocal warm-up, rising through the
scale, each note dancing through unknown spaces, echoing eerily. I marched
across the room, dropping my burnt-out match, and pushed open the door. A long
corridor stretched before me; it was dark but light blazed through the door at
the far end.
Serafina’s voice rose higher and higher as I made my down
the corridor. Closer and higher. Closer and higher. I squinted into the light.
“Serafina?” I called tremulously.
I reached the door. Serafina cut off.
I emerged into light and silence. An amphitheater-like room
spread before me. Great stage lights burned overhead, casting their light down
onto the center of the room where—
I staggered and fell to my knees.
“Serafina…”
In the bowl of the amphitheater, surrounded by more
mirror-focused flames and metal tables of surgical instruments, a gurney bore a
white-draped form. Blood stained the drape and dripped down onto the
white-washed floor. Anise and copper mingled in my choking tears.
“Serafina…”
It was she.
Her head protruded above the white drape, her eyes closed,
her skin white, her hair a copper fan on the metal bed. And her throat.
God.
Her throat.
No.
NO.
NO!
I staggered, retching and sobbing, down past the tiered
seats. Not my Serafina. I could go no closer. I collapsed halfway down into the
amphitheater and just stared at the blood. Tears trembled on my lids and horror
wracked my stuttering heart.
But I’d heard her voice! This was a nightmare. It wasn’t
real.
A footstep sounded and I raised my eyes from the despoiled
form of my love to a door across the amphitheater that I had not noticed.
In its shadows stood a tall man, pale and bald. His black
eyes gleamed with a strange delight. His throat was bandaged and bloody, but
the rivets were still in his jaw. And he spoke. IN SERAFINA’S VOICE!
“Godfrey, I warned you, didn’t I?” and then he sang. “You have fallen to the depths of Hell, but I
have risen above the mountains, the clouds, and the stars.” And the last
note rose up to an earsplitting C.
A note from Asmodeii:
Asmodeii! That is not my name. No one need ever know my true
name. Let them call me phantom, ghost…Perhaps I will be the ghost of Serafina
Szeman, singing in the opera at midnight, on every anniversary of her
disappearance. The police will have found the suicide pact notes I forged for
her and Godfrey.
She was a strange girl. Her fanatic obsession with Satanic
lore and deamons allowed me to seduce her. She believed I was a messenger from
beyond…come to offer her the thing she wanted most: to revel with the devils.
Perhaps she got what she wanted. I certainly got what I wanted.
From the moment I heard her sing at the audition after
Ridaphelm bowed out—she’d been my first option, but the surgery had failed—I
knew I needed her voice. I had been robbed of my voice long ago…my invention
was not enough to restore it. I needed human vocal chords.
And I would not settle for second best.
I wanted Serafina’s.
You cannot fathom the violence of my jealousy when I heard
her voice. It surpassed any covetousness I had hitherto experienced, though my
soul burned with agony whenever I heard anyone sing with skill. That I could no
longer sing as they did! That I should be robbed of my purest joy—no. It was
not acceptable. Was not. Now…
Now, though I remain in shadow, I have the angel’s voice.
I have risen above mountains, the clouds, and the stars!
This concludes our serial, I hope you enjoyed the Phantom of the Opera.
And please explore the chilling delights the rest of the hop has to offer:
Friday, October 12, 2018
October Frights! The Phantom of the Opera, Part Three
Welcome back!
Are you ready to delve back into Godfrey and Serafina's nightmare? If you've just joined us, you may want to read the previous posts, which have parts one and two of my Phantom of the Opera retelling.
Part Three: Into Gehenna
I did not run this time.
"Wh-who..." I began. But my voice was reedy and
cracked. I swallowed.
"Who are you?" I demanded more firmly.
"Not who, Godfrey," said the sound.
"What." I located the source: it seemed to come from the wall behind
the dressing screen.
"What are you, then?" I asked, forcing myself to
take a step towards the wall.
"I am in a transitional state," said the sound as
it impossibly moved along the wall toward the corner. "I am not man, I am
not quite deamon, I am the opera ghost!" The sound seemed to recede deeper
into the wall, becoming fainter. "Soon, I will be fully manifested!"
Dropping the book, I raced out of Serafina's dressing room
and followed the sound as it hummed through the wall, down the hall, deeper
into the opera house.
"What do you want with Serafina?" I demanded.
The sound just strummed humorously. I was running now, down
stairs, along dark passages, following a phantom noise.
The sound led me into a dusty storage room filled with old
set-pieces. An Egyptian god loomed over the shadowy space, his bird-face faded.
I dove between papier maché rocks and cardboard walls of varying colors and
themes. As I passed between two Greek pillars a trip wire shot up and I
staggered, collapsing beside a bust of some philosopher. The bust tipped, and I
rolled out of the way—just as a trapdoor opened in the floor. The bust fell
into a black hole and splashed into unseen water. The trapdoor creaked shut
again, its seals so perfect that it was invisible.
I hunkered in the shadows, trembling. I dared not cough,
though the dust tickled at my throat. I waited, but the sound did not return.
I made it out of the opera house without further incident
and paced my flat all night, unable to sleep or cease imagining that the sound
was back...
In the morning, I called on Serafina. Her maid said she was
not to be disturbed, but I refused to leave and at last, Serafina agreed to see
me in her parlor. She was wan, her eyes sunken and her lower lip under constant
attack from restless teeth.
"There's no use pretending," I said, seizing her
hand. "I heard that—that sound last night. It tried to kill me!"
She snatched her hand back. "You SAW HIM?"
"No, he led me to a trapdoor, I almost fell in...you
can't do whatever it is he wants. You can't sing for—for whatever it is!"
Serafina hid behind her hands. They were skeletal and white.
Her abjectness struck me with horrible pity.
"I don't care if you've dabbled in the occult," I
said softly. "I love you. Please stay away from that THING."
She lowered her hands but would still not look at me.
"I didn't realize what it truly was I was getting
into," she said, her voice trembling. "Not until I heard that
voice..."
"It doesn't matter," I insisted. "You don't
have to go through with it!"
"He's always watching, always listening," Serafina
said, tears in her eyes. "He'll kill you."
"He almost did, but listen! We can leave Bamberg, go
far away. To England, maybe."
"I can't leave before tonight's performance,"
Serafina said. "I have an obligation to the production."
"Right afterwards, then," I said. "I'll have
a cab waiting outside, in case he knows my car. Slip out after the show and
we'll escape. I'll just lay low until then. I think he thinks he succeeded in
killing me."
Serafina contemplated this, her brow furrowed.
"Yes," she said. "I think that would
work." She beamed at me through tears. "I'll come to you directly
after the show. Take me away. I love you, Godfrey. Thank you."
I kissed her hand and smiled.
"Thank you, Serafina."
"One never realizes the horror until the reality
strikes," she said softly.
"Say no more about those things," I begged.
"They need never trouble us again."
I left her house, but not my worries behind. Did the owner
of that sound really think me dead? What if it discovered our plot? She said it
was always watching.
I returned to the opera house and snuck in through the stable
to explore it in the daylight. I searched Serafina's dressing room more
thoroughly, but could find nothing. The deamonology book was gone, too. The
room where I had nearly fallen to my death was just as unyielding. I could not
find the trap door and the trip wire had vanished.
Defeat hung heavy on my shoulders as I returned to my car,
parked several streets away. The evening was fast approaching. I drove home and
called for a cab.
I had him park by the side entrance of the opera, where many
performers came and went. And I settled in to wait, restlessly tapping my
watch. I could see the operagoers arriving out on the main Street.
I watched late performers hurry past into the side-door.
A tall, hatted gentlemen I had never seen passed by, pausing
at the door. He wore a wool cape with a high collar drawn around his lower
face. He turned toward the cab and I caught the gleam of his black eyes,
glittering in his white brow—staring straight at me. He lowered the collar and
grinned at me with gold teeth.
I gripped my watch so hard the glass cracked.
The man's neck!
His throat was missing, replaced by some obscene metal
gadgetry. Gears and rods protruded around the edges. Long copper strips and
wires tangled like tendons in place of his larynx. Rivets lined his jaw.
In a moment, the neck was covered again and the man as gone.
Not a man. But not a deamon, either. The opera ghost!
I leapt out of my cab and raced to the door.
The door slammed in my face and when I tried to open it, I
found it locked. I beat on it frantically and yelled for someone to open it,
but no one came. I raced around to the main entrance and dashed up the steps,
shoving aside several fur-garbed dames.
They squawked in protest but I didn't slow down, hurling an
elderly gentleman to the side as I charged up the last steps to the door.
"Sir, where is your ticket?" demanded the
concierge.
"I'm a friend of Serafina Szeman," I growled,
trying to skim past him.
"I'm afraid you must have a ticket or pay now,"
the concierge insisted, blocking me with a firm hand. I dug furiously for my
wallet and handed him the whole thing.
"Sir!" Protested the concierge, but I was already
gone, racing along to the backstage entrance.
I burst into her dressing room and found it empty. Except
for the deamonology book, lying on the vanity, open to the hieroglyphics page.
I nearly lost it and went racing off to search the entire
opera house, then I saw a note beside the book.
It had been hastily written in pencil.
I'm sorry, Godfrey.
You don't understand. I need to sing this concert. I need to see the wonders of
Gehenna and the Convocation. This is an honor beyond anything you would ever
understand. When I come back, I will be all yours.
Love,
Serafina
I stared.
She must be mad. Or this was fake. It was her handwriting...but
the man had a machine that spoke for him and a typewriter that worked on its
own. He could surely replicate handwriting.
But where had she gone? Gehenna? What was that? Where was
that?
My eye fell upon the symbol that was circled in the book. Opening rune.
Opening...I looked again at the walls. The man had been
inside the walls. He'd spoken to me from within. There had to be secret
passageways. I began probing the walls' unyielding surfaces.
I frantically went over every inch of the bored green
wallpaper. And then again. And again.
A knock sounded and a stagehand called, "five minutes,
Miss Szeman." I sank to the floor in despair. So much time had already
passed. I would be too late!
The carpet stared back at me, intricately patterned, unlike
the wallpaper. And there!
In the corner, nearly hidden by the wardrobe, the Opening Rune
peered up from between the twining curlicues.
Breathlessly, I crawled over to it and placed my hand on it.
It felt no different from any other part of the floor. I pressed on it and felt
something click beneath the carpet. Before my very eyes, the wall beside the
wardrobe slid away, revealing a sliver of ultimate darkness.
I stood and took a candle from the vanity.
There was no time to be frightened of the foul wind that
blew from that chasm. I stepped into darkness and the secret opening slid shut
behind me. I was horrified to find various miniscule peep-holes into Serafina's
dressing room. He HAD seen me, and presumably saw Serafina whenever she changed
behind her screen!
A passage led off, narrow and low. I had to duck and go
sideways to proceed. I came to a fork and was unsure which way to go...until I
saw Serafina's gold key lying several feet down the left hand branch. The
tunnel suddenly stopped and I found a hole in the floor, with a ladder leading
down. This must be the direction that the man-deamon-ghost had led me before.
The passage went on and I found the lever that must control
the trap door. Down another ladder, and I found myself on a stone embankment
high above the water into which I was meant to have plunged. It appeared to be
an underground river...or a sewer, though it was only mildly rank...and rank
with a strange sour-metal smell. Chemicals, maybe.
The embankment ended and I found a tiny arch. My candle was
guttering and I was forced to stop to trim the wick clumsily with my knife
against the stone wall.
On I went, breath shallow and limbs quivering. The new
tunnel dripped with slime and sloped steeply downward. The anise wrapped in
mustiness stole into my nostrils and my lungs pumped faster.
That smell. And I thought I smelled old copper, too. And
decay. The tunnel leveled off and I faced three entrances, all trimmed with
archways built from human skulls.
Which way?
In the trembling light of my candle, I saw words written
above the arches, carved into the stone.
Tartarus, Abaddon,
and ...Gehenna.
I took a nervous breath and plunged into the arch named Gehenna—too fast.
I sprawled down a flight of slippery steps. My candle
bounced into the darkness and went out.
Return tomorrow for the horrifying conclusion of the Phantom of the Opera!
And explore the blog hop below:
Thursday, October 11, 2018
October Frights! The Phantom of the Opera, Part Two
Welcome back!
Are you ready to delve back into Godfrey and Serafina's nightmare? If you've just joined us, you may want to read the previous post, which has part one of my Phantom of the Opera retelling.
The Phantom of the Opera
Part Two: The Blasphemous Sound
I fled that hellish chamber, madly racing through the dark
and somehow emerged into the street—after breaking through the rotten door that
Serafina had locked behind her.
I emerged into the night, tattered, scuffed, wet, and
bleeding.
I got lost in the winding streets and fog and didn't make it
back to my car until nearly dawn.
I called on Serafina later that afternoon. She was still
distracted and the circles under her eyes were deeper. Yet she seemed to almost
glow with a weird excitement. I did not ask her about the mysterious cellar or
the ghoulish typewriter.
The impression that she was not of this world anymore
haunted me.
Serafina did not protest when I suggested dinner that night
and I watched in sickly fascination as her excitement grew with the night.
After I took her home, I waited again and sure enough,
Serafina emerged from the side door, cloaked and candle-bearing.
I was not fortified by champagne. My legs were shaky as I
stepped out of my car and made to follow her. The vague horrors of that
nightmare flickered through my mind, like Serafina's candle in the mist.
It slowed me just enough and I lost Serafina in the fog. I
had to return to that place. I had to know the truth. How much had the alcohol
colored my first visit? I almost ran down the alley, my footsteps slapping on
the wet cobbles. She was nowhere to be seen. Twice, the muted glow of a
lamppost fooled me.
"Serafina!" I called, but the fog robbed my cry of
volume.
I kept going, trying to follow my hazy memory, but it was
useless. I got lost again and finally returned to my car, wet and dejected. I
sat and waited for Serafina's return. I wondered if I should confront her.
Her reappearance from the mist, almost an hour later, robbed
me of breath and I sat limply in my fog shrouded automobile as she drifted ghost-like
from the night and vanished again into her house.
When I called on her in the morning, her maid told me she
was feeling ill and was still in bed. She had another performance that night. I
told the maid to tell her I would see her at the show.
The evening came, deliberately, and I knocked on her
dressing room door before the show began.
"I'm fine!" She called. "Really. Tell Peroll
he did an amazing job adjusting the bodice. I can breathe without being stabbed
by the seam."
"Serafina," I said. "It's me. May I come
in?"
"Godfrey?" Her voice took on an edge of anxiety.
"Yes. Yes, come in."
I caught her in the act of recomposing her features. Fear
and guilt vanished under a veneer of tired happiness.
The room was full of her perfume, sweet and Rosy. But again
that weird spice odor whispered underneath...anise, metal, and mold.
"Are you all right?" I asked raggedly.
"Yes, I think I just needed more rest," she said.
I can't go out tonight; I have a meeting with the director, discussing future
projects, then I must get to bed."
"Yes," I said. "Yes." I was nearly taken
in by the reality she offered me with word and tone. The nightmare of the night
before last seemed distant: unreal and champagne-inspired. But...
I had seen her vanish into the fog.
I had seen the guilt on her face. Or had I?
"You look tired, too," she said, concern in her
tone but something else in her eyes...almost accusation.
"Yes," I said. "I should get to bed early
tonight, too."
"Perhaps I'll see you in the morning?" She
suggested.
"Absolutely," I said. "I look forward to
tonight's show." She smiled and I turned to leave.
I glanced back before I closed the door and saw that her
face had returned to conflicted anxiety.
Whatever was bothering her, she used it to great effect that
night, pouring her emotions into her role. Her voice sparked with angst and her
high notes were more chill-inducing than ever before.
After the show, I returned to her dressing room to
congratulate her for another stunning performance. As I approached, however, I
heard her talking to someone. I stopped with my hand on the knob.
"He acts like he didn't see anything," Serafina
said. "Are you sure he was the one who broke the door?"
Words answered her. My stomach leapt up against the back of
my rib cage and I leaned against the he door to keep from falling. To call it a
voice would be borderline blasphemy. God did not create such a mode of
expression. It twanged and hummed, metallically—jarring—buzzing—non-musical,
but with infernally musical tones sparkling amidst the grinding chaos.
Somehow...words tumbled out of that—that sound.
"I saw him, Serafina. I saw him. He must have followed
you. You must get rid of him."
"He'd had quite a bit of champagne that night,"
Serafina said hopefully. "Maybe he doesn't remember. Besides, I took your
transcript. He can't really know anything."
"We can't risk him finding out," insisted the
horrible sound. "He'll interfere. Do you not want to sing for the
Convocation?"
"Of course I do!" Serafina protested. "I told
you I want nothing more. I don't know how to get rid of Godfrey. He already
suspects I'm not well. If he heard or saw anything, he might worry about me. If
I try to push him away, he'll likely pry into things more."
"You must want to sing more than you want any human
affection. If the deamons hear any love in your voice, they will not be
pleased. Do you wish to displease the Convocation?"
"No! I'll...I'll get him to leave me alone...I'll tell
him I'm too busy to see him until after the last performance of the show."
"See that he believes you," warned the sound.
"He must stay out of the way. Music is all."
"Asmodeii?"
"Yes?"
"It is you, isn't it? Why can't I see you?"
"You don't even know what I look like. Is it my voice?
Did you not expect it to sound like this? It is horrible, isn't it? Now you see
why the convocation wants you to sing for them. We cannot make the sounds you
can. That's why I prefer to communicate via machine. But your GODFREY HAS
RUINED THAT. I will speak to you again. In this voice, my Serafina. I hope it
does not frighten you too much."
I gripped the door handle. My Serafina...spoken by such a
hellish sound! No, no, it was wrong. My hand trembled and the doorknob rattled.
I looked down at my white knuckles in horror.
"What was that?" demanded the sound.
"The door!" gasped Serafina. I let go of that
handle as if it were molten and leapt back.
"Who's there?" twanged the sound. I looked about,
but there was nowhere to hide. Footsteps.
A gaggle of ballet girls rounded the corner and I dashed
into their midst. They giggled and hooted in protest. Serafina's door flew
open. I ducked around the corner, hoping the ballet girls would shield me from
sight.
"Prima Donna!" The girls trilled.
"What are you doing here?" Serafina demanded.
"The night is young!" replied one and several
other answers joined: "Why are you still in costume?" "What are you doing?" "Leading lady has
nerves, eh?"
It seemed the girls were all a bit drunk.
"Oh never mind," Serafina said. "But you
should all get some sleep. We have another show tomorrow night."
The girls moved off with a chorus of "Humbug!" and
Serafina closed her door. I waited at the corner, shaking like a struck cymbal.
I was too afraid to approach the room again.
That sound...and what? The source of that sound was
invisible? Serafina could not see it. Had it mentioned deamons? I clutched my
head. I was dead sober. But this...
I shook in silent agony for what seemed hours, but must have
been only twenty minutes.
The door creaked open and I went rigid.
I listened to Serafina's footsteps fade off down the hall
and slowly relaxed. Strange calm stole over me and I squared my shoulders. I
marched around the corner and threw open the dressing room door. If the source
of that sound were still here, I would kill it.
The room was empty. It was not lavishly furnished. After
checking the wardrobe and behind it, as well as the vanity and dressing screen,
I had to give up. The thing was not here. Its smell was, though...that clean
spice, immured in decay.
The room felt empty, tomb-like in its vacancy. I did not
believe in invisible things. But then I remembered the entrance to that crypt
near the typewriter. I had been drunk then.
But I hadn't been drunk earlier, when that sound had called
Serafina 'my Serafina.'
My eye fell upon the floor beside the chair.
A book lay on the carpet, partially open.
A surge of white hot horror passed through me and I seized
the book off the floor. It was very old and musty, leather bound and cracked.
The title was The Ways of the Fallen
Angels: Secrets, Summonings, and Symbols.
Two ribbons protruded from the damp pages, marking separate
places. I flipped it open to the first.
A sort of alphabet was depicted. Unnatural shapes, mostly
intricate geometrical diagrams, triangles, stars, and interlacing circles. One
was circled in red pencil: an upside down triangle with a cross hanging from
the tip and a curved line intersecting the top side. It had a caption: Opening Rune.
I frowned. With a careful flick of the mildewed pages, I turned
to the second ribbon and was faced with an illustration of creatures—horned and
hooved—gathering about a huge pentagram of fire.
The chapter title was printed in gothic letters: The Great Convocation of Devills.
Absurd! But...why was I trembling? I was no longer alone!
The sound filled the room, soft and mechanical.
"I SEE YOU, GODFREY!"
Stay tuned for the installment tomorrow!
and check out the rest of the hop below:
Wednesday, October 10, 2018
October Frights! The Phantom of the Opera, Part One
WELCOME TO THE OCTOBER FRIGHTS BLOG HOP!
This is a super fun annual event where horror authors gang up to terrify and amuse you. You can 'hop' from blog to blog via the link we all share at the end of our posts. October 10-15 we will be serving up mayhem and madness, so stay tuned.
I have written a retelling of the Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux. One of my favorite classic books. I also love all of the movie versions I've seen as well as the musical. I'll be posting this story in installments, somewhat fitting for a classic retelling as many classic novels were published as serial in the newspapers.
The Phantom of the Opera
Part One: The Typewriter
It began, and ended, with a key. Firstly a key of gold.
Lastly a key of C.
Serafina Szeman made her debut at the Bamburg Opera on the
13th of November. She was leading lady in a production of Freerenmeck’s Angelicus.
I had been seeing her for several months before the opening,
but she had been strangely distant during the weeks of rehearsal. She was
something of a last minute casting choice, chosen at a hasty audition to
replace the famous soprano Edithe Ridaphelm, who had bowed out for unknown
reasons.
So I had rarely been able to call on Serafina since she'd
started rehearsing and when I had, she was always in a hurry—late to rehearsal,
to voice lessons, to the costumier—or else she was very tired and
understandably quiet, even cool towards me, but I put it down to exhaustion.
I hoped she'd be better after the opening. Happier at least.
And it was a triumphant opening. She has the voice of an angel. Lucid and soft
and when she hits the high notes, my spine tingles.
I took a massive bouquet of roses to her dressing room after
the show. When I knocked, however, there was no reply. I waited a moment, then
slipped inside, hoping to surprise her when she arrived.
I found she was already in the room, her face rapt as she
poured over a letter on aged paper.
"Serafina," I said, "you were marvelous! I
don't think anyone has sung Lilliana so well! You had me in tears,
congratulations!"
She did not look up from her letter. Her eyes were
wide...almost adoring.
"Serafina?"
She tore her eyes away from the letter and jumped a bit,
quickly sweeping the letter behind her back.
"Darling," she said, extending her other hand as I
crossed the room. I took it to kiss, and noticed she clutched a small gold key.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said, snatching back her hand.
Turning away, she stuffed both the letter and the key into an envelope.
"You were wonderful," I repeated.
She smiled vaguely and tucked the envelope under her comb.
"Thank you, Godfrey," she said. Her gaze was still
distant, looking past me, as if I were invisible.
She must still be on the stage...her marble cheeks glowing
with the applause like noble edifices caught in a sunset. Her perfectly curved
lips smiled meekly despite their obvious glory. But...her normally sharp green
eyes were misty—like stained glass that was curtained, blocking the internal
candlelight.
I was close enough to smell her perfume—thick with rose and
honeysuckle. And another odor.
A mustiness. But spiced...like anise wrapped in ancient
molding papyrus.
"Will you let me take you out, now?" I asked.
"Now the opening is over?"
"I can't," she said, then she seemed to shake
herself and looked guiltily into my eyes. I was about to protest. "Of
course," she said, and then I noticed the circles under her eyes.
"I think you need rest," I said. "I'll just
drive you home."
"No," Serafina said, smiling. "We should
celebrate. I promised we could go out when I had time. I won't be able to
sleep, anyway."
I went to get my car while she got changed and then drove
her to Les Cloches. We had a delicious supper, but she was still vague and
distracted, even after champagne.
After I dropped her off at her house, I sat in my car and
smoked a cigar. What letter had she been reading? An admirer’s? She couldn't
have any yet...unless they had written the note during the performance. Or
perhaps a cast member? But surely not? She loved me, didn't she? We hadn't had
much time together since the audition.
And the key?
My mind conjured symbolic heart-keys and secret
rendezvous...
A flickering light caught my attention and I peered into the
dark. The side-door of Serafina's house had opened and emitted Serafina
herself, in a thick wrap, bearing a candle of all things. She did not glance
around—and thus did not spot me—but headed directly down the alley with
purpose.
I stabbed my cigar butt into my gloved palm and leapt out of
my car to follow her. I'd perhaps had a bit too much champagne and had half a
mind to seize her arm and demand to know where she was going—who she was
seeing.
But as I caught up, I slowed, almost in awe. She moved like
a shadow. Her hair shone in the candle-light like burnished copper threads. The
gathering fog curled its fingers around her, beckoning her into the night, and
I got the irrational impression that she did not belong to me, nor to this
world. She was already lost.
I kept to the shadows and corners as I trailed her through
unfamiliar alleys that sloped ominously downward. Dread crept upon me even as
the fog rose, thicker and thicker. A chill settled on me. I stumbled, looking
around at leering facades, decrepit and strange. I realized we must be heading
towards the river, hence the fog and cold. Guilt slipped through me for
following her like this—then anger—then she vanished.
I froze.
Gaping windows smirked at me, black holes in the soft
whiteness of mist. I heard a clink, and took a few rapid steps forward.
Serafina had slipped into a deeply recessed doorway and her
candle had been lost in the cloaking fog. I tiptoed along the wet cobbles—ancient
but perfectly fit—we were in the old quarter of the city, very near the river.
I stopped behind a cracked and mossy lion statue by a nearby
gate and watched as Serafina unlocked a heavy door and was swallowed by a
rotting, crumbling house.
Her candle did not appear in any of the windows. I realized
I was hunkered by the house's main gate. She had gone into the cellar.
The house, with its deformed lion, damp moss crevices, and
stench of decay, repulsed me violently. But with a wracking shudder, I charged
down the slippery steps to the cellar door and seized the icy handles.
Serafina had not locked it behind her.
The humid doors creaked open and heaved me into moist
darkness, where I fell to my knees on slimy stones.
Dark emptiness bulged around me, menacingly soft with a hard
metallic odor. I got to my feet, unsure why I was trembling. Trembling not with
any understandable adrenaline from secretly following someone, but with an
irrational premonition. Something terrible was happening to Serafina and there
was a sick, coppery flavor in my mouth. A chilling draft wafted that anise and
parchment smell to me and I set off impulsively into the stone hallway.
The passage hooked right and plunged down, into the bowels
of the earth, it seemed. I went slowly, afraid of slipping on the slime-coated
flagstones.
The incline leveled out and I ran into a cobweb-covered
wall.
I felt along it until I found the passage made a sharp turn
to the left. I followed it around yet another corner and saw a flicker of light
at last.
Two doorways yawned before me.
One the entrance to hell. One heaven. The right door gaped,
black and sucking, cold and promising of terrors unimagined. And I fancied the
smell issued from that featureless hole; the air was heavy laden with putrid
rot, mixed with molding paper...ancient parchment...and a hint of anise.
Through the left door, a candle glowed, illuming the
silhouette of my sweet Serafina.
Her back was to me; she was seated, gazing with her candle
deeper into the room. I crept closer, careful to avoid the right hand opening.
Serafina was speaking to someone I couldn't see.
"When will I get to sing for them?" She asked.
"Surely I proved tonight I was good enough?"
I pressed myself to the door frame and peered around into
the room, hoping to get a glimpse of whoever she was speaking to.
But no voice answered her. A clacking sound filled the
malodorous air, cacophonous and malignant. As I peered into the secret
rendezvous, I was sure the champagne must be making its full force know, for
there was no earthly reason for the sudden dizziness that seized me. My head
swam and the strange but not unholy sight rippled before my eyes. I nearly
doubled over with nausea.
The room where Serafina sat on a stool was small. She was
not more than ten feet away from me, sitting at an antique desk pushed against
the far wall. On the desk sat her candle, and a typewriter. The typewriter was
the source of the horrid clacking.
Serafina was at a slight angle to me and I could see her
hands were in her lap.
The typewriter was operating itself!
I clutched the doorframe to keep from falling.
"I will do my best, Asmodeii," Serafina said. As
if replying to the typewriter. I could not read the candle-lit page from the
door.
The typewriter clacked away, like bones rattling in a
cemetery. Then silence.
"You flatter me," Serafina said, her voice eerily
girlish...a giggle hiding on the edge. "I cannot wait, either."
The typewriter replied and Serafina said, "Thank you, I
will. Good night."
She took the page from the typewriter and folded it
carefully, tucking it into her bosom. She turned and I retreated into the
shadows. There was nowhere to go but back, or into the other horrible doorway.
Inexplicably, I found myself slipping into that foul abyss.
The cold sucked at me, metallic and hungry.
Serafina passed from the small room and vanished back up the
passage without glancing into my hiding place, taking her candle with her.
I was frozen in place, alone in the dark but with the
distinct impression I was not alone...a legion lurked in the chasm behind me.
Suddenly, I remembered my matches. Pulling the book from my
pocket, I clumsily fumbled out a match with my gloved fingers and struck it.
I turned around and nearly screamed. A row of skulls leered
at me.
My heart hammered, each stroke threatening to be the last.
The skulls were mortared into the wall. It must be an ancient crypt, perhaps
part of the legendary catacombs that spread labyrinth-like beneath the city.
I shuddered and took my guttering match timidly into the
room where Serafina had held her strange communion.
The typewriter gleamed sinisterly in the rank shadows. I
dragged my feet reluctantly through the room. The typewriter seemed to wink in
the flicker of my dying match. It loomed larger and larger and my feet grew
heavier and heavier, but I was determined to seize the hateful thing and throw
it upon the flagstones.
I was hardly thinking rationally, but part of me was aware
that the thing must be operated by some hidden mechanical means, and if I tore
it from the table, the secret would be revealed.
I was so close.
Just a few mores steps.
My match went out.
Darkness swept over me and the typewriter burst into hideous
clacking laughter.
RETURN tomorrow for the next installment!
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